I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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