sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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