i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
