Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Girls should come with a carfax report
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
