Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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