JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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