She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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