she was so not down for the gang bang
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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