I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
