I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
