and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
