i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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