He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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