just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
