whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
