My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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