my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
