Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
