Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize