Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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