The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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