well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
