I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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