quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
