I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
