just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
