If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
