I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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