3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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