I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
