Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
