i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
