Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
