I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
