if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize