So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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