Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i used baking grease as lip gloss
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
