Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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