maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
