then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
