Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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