FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
