I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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