My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
