Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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