She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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