Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
