Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
