ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
