Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
