I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
