evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
