I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
