Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
