Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
