We won't sleep together?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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