We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
