Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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