I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
