Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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