I checked into jail on foursquare
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I sprained my soul last night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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