Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
