Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
