Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
