...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
